Persuasive Writing- Why we should fix our field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our field.

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Whakatika ā mātou whira (Fix Our Field)
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I strongly believe we should definitely fix our whira( field) now. My reasons are we  definitely need the field for specific sport events and for training, we also need it for our Karoro School Gala, our school is too crowded without the field and can cause injuries.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, I strongly think the Mrs Truman and the board of trustees should definitely fix our field. We need to fix our field because we need the field for the Karoro wharekura Gala (Karoro School Gala) We need it for the Karoro School Gala because we won’t be able to have it this year because there won’t be as big of a space as there was in the last years. Also in the Gala we have sometimes a horse riding event and we need it. We need it  because if we fall on grass it won’t be as hard as landing on concrete.
	Secondly, I truly believe we also need the space for training and for big sport events.  We need the field for big sports events because if we don’t train we won’t be as good as we could be. An example we need the field for tarai (rugby)training. We need the field because we need to know the  kāwanatanga (rules) and how to play it properly.
	I strongly believe we need to keep fit by running around on our field to keep healthy. We need to keep fit because Karoro School would not like to not go outside for fun punipuni (games)
	My fourth strong reason we need it fixed. We need it fixed because we have a lot of sports gear we have in the PE shed to use on our field. So if we don’t use it it is a huge amount of putea (money) wasted if we don’t even use the pe gear.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to fix our field because we need the field for big sports events and big tātāwhāinga- tournaments, we also need the field because we need it for rugby training so we know how to play, we also need it because we need to keep fit, and finally, we need it for that we need to use the pe gear for something. IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT THAT KARORO SCHOOL HAS A FIELD!